Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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