I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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