Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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