I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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