I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's always time for handjobs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
