The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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