if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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