i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it glows. i had to have it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize