woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
