woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize