shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
