Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
