where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
