i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
