Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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