I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
