I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
