The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
