i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
