I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
