we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
