We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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