im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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