it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
40s are totally the cure
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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