My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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