I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
