i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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