Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
