can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
