we have pet lesbian snakes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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