I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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