we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Boobs speak an international language.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
