i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
