he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
