I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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