We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As shirtless as possible
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
