i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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