on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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