upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
