Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
