i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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