I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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