honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
