That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
