I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
