i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize