have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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