onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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