I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
