You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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