I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
