whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
