I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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