The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
