Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
