I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
