he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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