If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
