he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
