DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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