it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
