I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize