Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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