Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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