chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize