eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This baby is an asshole
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize