I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
