Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
